After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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