just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
