I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
