when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
