Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
