I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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