I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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