whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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