batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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