My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm at about main and main street
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize