The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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