I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize