maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
