I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
