I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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