dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
