i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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