I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
