The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Shame is for Republicans.
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