His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
