Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
