this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
