I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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