I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
