There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
