textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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