Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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