I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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