Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
