He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
