Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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