i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
