I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
