i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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