Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
