i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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