Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
