Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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