i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
