He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize