if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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