i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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