i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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