forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
