it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
