The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
