This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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