I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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