The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
