I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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