Will you blow on my dice?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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