do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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