after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
