he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you never un-have a 4some
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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