If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
