Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
