Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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