I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
