I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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