We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
