you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
